Do you ever feel like you just want to quit something you started? Well I do, and today it's life. Not in the suicidal way, in the I just don't want to keep doing this anymore way. I know that there are so many worse things that people go through, things that I can't even begin to understand. But right now I feel like what we are going through is more than I can handle and more than I want to .
I have never been so confused about a part of my life as I am right now. We are facing obstables in every direction of our lives. I just don't know what God is trying to teach us . Everytime I think I am geared up for battle, something new takes my feet out from under me. I don't know if I can continue to get up. I so want to lay in bed and sleep until it all goes away. (I know, clinical depression. I'm ok:)) Life is just hard. I am tired of it being hard and especially tired of it being hard on my children and husband. In the words of Mary Beth Chapman, "God is showing us that our family can do hard." I am in no way comparing our situation to the horrific tragedy they have gone through, but today,our family is doing our version of hard. We are faced with alot of hard decisions ahead. We are faced with fears and anxiety. We are trying so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it just doesn't seem to be there. I cannot bear to say, God how much more can we take, as I fear the answer. Iwant to go to bed someday soon anticipating the excitement of the next day, not the dread of what's coming.
Please pray that God will show up in a very literal way for my children and husband. They so need to see and feel his hand in all this. Pray that I will be strong for them. That they will not see my faith waver. I know our God has not forsaken us, sometimes he is silent to teach us how to listen. Today I will praise Him in the storm, because I know He is good. Truly good, even in the toughest of times.
Hard is not fun, but it is where you are supposed to be for some reason right now. You say that you can't bear any more and you are right, you guys can't. But God can, He will give you the grace you need for today...not tomorrow or the next obstacle, but just for today. It is up to you to accept that grace. He doesn't offer us grace before He brings us through something because then we wouldn't need Him. You are going to find that this hard time brings you closer to God and makes you feel more alive and valued than any other stage in your life.
ReplyDeletePraying you feel His grace pour over you today and rest in it regardless of all the mess around you all!
And all of this said to myself too :) as I can dish it out pretty well, but don't always listen!